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Life's Inevitable Storms: Are We Passive or Proactive?

No one gets to escape from the difficulties of life. In every family, we might encounter challenges, from the breakup of a romantic relationship to dealing with different type of illnesses, mental health difficulties, losing a job, financial struggles or loneliness.  Sooner or later, we all might face some of these challenges. In Dutch, we have a saying: "Ieder huisje heeft zijn kruisje," which means every family has its own struggles.

During these times, we may experience sadness or anger or feel as if the whole world is against us. In these situations, we might wonder: are we merely victims of what is called "life," or can we take control and regain charge of our lives?

Have you ever wondered whether we are just passive receivers of these challenges, or can we be proactive and take steps to feel, think, and behave differently?

Someone once told me, regarding mental health problems, that having a mental health issue is not your fault but overcoming them is an active choice. In some ways, I would agree with this. There are uncontrollable situations in life, like illness, global problems, and economic trends, but what you can control is your own thoughts and feelings about these situations.

Is there one way to deal with these types of problems? The answer is simple: no. We are all different, with unique backgrounds, cultures, and personalities. However, I do believe that we are not merely passive recipients of these situations.

Of course, most of these difficulties come with sadness, anger, disappointment, and frustration. We should also allow space for these emotions. Skipping this first step can cause them to resurface later. However, the amount of time needed for this process is individual. Depending on each situation, we can, at a certain point, start trying to change our thoughts and behaviours.

How? That is easier said than done. Some tips might be to set small goals, reflect, give time to your feelings (mindfulness). Change your negative thoughts to more proactive and constructive thoughts. Or simply by spending time outside or other small moments that brings you happiness.

So, again, no one (at least as far as I know) can completely escape difficulties, but it is important to accept, emotionally process, and reflect on them. Should we call ourselves victims of life, or should we embrace all its difficulties and see the beauty in it, which is, after all, life itself?

The importance of Knowing Who You Are  

During my work as a Psychology Instructor, we encountered an interesting topic: the self. Who am I, why should we know who we are, and is it even possible to know exactly who you are? This sparked an interesting question and made me think, how important is it to know who we are?

Self-help books like ‘Finding Yourself” & “How to Meet Your Self” highlight the importance of this topic. I started wondering myself, do I know who I am? And if not, is this a bad thing? 

Should we first know who we are before going into the world? And if so, how can we learn about who we are without going outside? Isn’t trying new things the key to find out who we are?

It is said to be crucial for your own personal development, for having deep and meaningful relationships and it is the foundation of making decisions. How can you understand someone if you don’t even know yourself. 

From my point of view, of course it is important to know who you are. Being aware of who you are is indeed and well researched of great importance in both your personal and professional life. From having a romantic relationship, to maintaining your well-being or making an important business deal. In the end, the foundation is yourself.

But it shouldn’t become the sole purpose of your life. In that way you risk losing the enjoyment of the journey to discover who you really are. You may feel lost or desperate at times but using these types of moments can be valuable for self-reflection and you carry those lessons into your future.

Besides, how can we find out who we are? This starts with being aware of your own thoughts, feelings & history. It requires a healthy balance of self-acceptance, reflecting in a critical way and identifying your strengths, weaknesses and passions.

So, if you ask, yes, it is of great importance to know who you are. But if this is not (yet) the case or even fully achievable, then enjoy the journey with its ups and downs and stay aware and reflective along your own journey.